Friday, 15 December 2017

Movie Review: Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

Directed by Luc Besson, 2017

Pros: amazing special effects, great burlesque dance sequence

Cons: no chemistry between protagonists despite shoehorned romance, actions have no consequences, lots of filler

Be advised, this review contains spoilers for the film.

Major Valerian and his partner Sergeant Laureline are sent to retrieve a stolen creature. Returning it, they are attacked and become embroiled in a mystery regarding a destroyed planet and the after effects of a terrible war.

I wanted to like this movie. In fact, I wanted to love it. But the first scene with Valerian and Laureline, where he tries to pressure her into having sex with him and she refuses - forcefully - several times - simply disgusted me. Because this is a Hollywood film, and I knew that they would end up together at the end. There is no character building scene where they show any tenderness for each other. There is no sharing of future goals or past hurts. There’s no emotional connection between them beyond their partnership. She explains at the beginning why she’s not interested in him: his ‘playlist’ of conquests and his obvious lack of interest in a woman once he’s ‘won her heart’. And nowhere does the film convince me that his desire for Laureline won’t end after they finally have sex. Yes, as the film goes on Laureline screams his name a lot, when she thinks he might be dead and when she needs rescue. But Valerian has more chemistry and connection with Bubble than he does with Laureline, even at the end of the film. And his sudden desire to marry her to prove he’s willing to commit makes no sense, especially when you realize he doesn’t even know what the marriage vows are.

The special effects were amazing. The creatures look great, the settings were cool. I didn’t understand how the space station worked having so many specialized living areas (water world, alien gas world, human gas world). Valerian damages quite a few areas of the station while chasing the Pearls (both in his suit and in his ships) but nothing seems to come of it, despite the fact that at least one area of the water world is left flooding another, non water filled section. 

In fact, there’s a weird lack of consequences for actions. Valerian sneaks into an alien section and proceeds to murder their emperor and several of his guards. No one cares. During the opening mission Valerian and Laureline simply abandon the men in the bus they were working with. No one cares that the entire crew dies. Both characters constantly refuse to follow orders (which makes Valerian’s comment at the end of the film that he’s a soldier first rather laughable). 

A lot of the middle of the film felt like filler designed to showcase the aliens and station. Considering they knew Valerian’s position when he crashed, I don’t understand why Laureline needed to find a psychic jellyfish to pinpoint him. While the burlesque dance by Bubble (played by Rihanna) was phenomenal (the costume and make-up changes were brilliantly done) the scene itself did nothing to advance the plot (except, perhaps, to show again that Valerian isn’t ready to commit the way he’s trying to convince Laureline he is). I don’t know how Valerian knew the butterflies were lures, considering he was passed out before Laureline showed up and just as new to the station as she was. And while I’m talking about that scene, what happened to her gun? How did she get captured so easily? And why was Bubble trying to protect her later when Laureline, not Bubble, was the one with combat training and experience? 

I’m frankly astonished at how far the Pearls have come. In 30 years they learned about space travel, ended up on a crashed shuttle, figured out how to fly it, landed on Alpha, figured out how to build their own spaceships, forgiven the commander (despite the fact that he’s still capturing and torturing their people), etc. Hard to believe, really.

Valerian makes several weird reversals when dealing with the Pearls at the end. He punches his commanding officer, tells them he’s going to make things right as he hands over the pearl, then he tries to stop Laureline from returning the converter (despite that being what would make things right). He argues that his oath of allegience means he can’t hand over government property. He also says he’s a soldier who plays by the rules. This is the same man who just punched his commanding officer and refused several direct orders throughout the movie? I’d also disagree with Laureline’s assertion that his refusal to go against his conscience means he doesn’t understand love. Oh, he doesn’t understand love, but that’s not the reason why. I’d even go so far as to say that Laureline’s the one who doesn’t understand love here. Because she wants him to change for her. You can’t force that kind of change. And if you try to force it, then you’re the one who doesn’t feel love.

I was left with a lot of questions: How did the Pearl mini ships work? And why were they building a giant ship when they had a big attack ship that could split off into mini ships? Since the opening montage showed that everyone in the universe is friendly, who was Earth fighting when Mul was destroyed? How did the humans get the Mul converter originally? They destroyed the planet and didn’t know it was inhabited. Did the writers realize that by saying Alpha station was 7 million miles from Earth it was just reaching Saturn? Doesn’t seem that far for 400 years worth of travel. Why send Alpha station away at all? Why not just push it into a higher, more stable orbit? Sending it away is a real waste of resources. If Bubble was a kind of liquid jelly being, why did she turn to dust when she died? 


I really wanted to like this movie but it was kind of a mess. It’s pretty to look at, but not much else.

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